Mental Health Challenge Day 14- What happens to you when you feel like your illness is taking over.
We all have different reactions to different things and how we react when our illness consumes us is no different. For me, I have a simple solution. I shut down.
I always feel like I’m a burden to others. I always fee like I never say or do the right things so I feel like removing myself from the situation is the best solution. Unfortunately people take that as me being rude, that I have an attitude. As much as I understand how others may feel that way I never feel like I need to explain myself because they don’t care. The few times that I did try I always felt like it as a waste of time because the person I would be speaking to felt like I was making an excuse. My illness is not an excuse. It’s an explanation that I feel no one wants to accept.
I haven’t thought of any other ways on how to handle myself when I feel overwhelmed. I just retreat into my world and keep my mouth shut like I always do. I hate th at I feel when I shut down. I feel useless and worthless and wish I did not exist. I don’t know how to make this feeling go away. I feel like I’m doing others a favor but in turn I’m demeaning myself. This is one thing I wish I could get a grip on. One thing I wish I had a way to work through. As much as I want to feed you the “Hopefully over time…” explanation I don’t have much confidence in what I want working out when it comes to this.
Blessing, Not a Curse 